I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
