I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
