I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
