We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
