Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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