i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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