are you still at the devil's house?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
