I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
