I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
