Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
