Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
