he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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