I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
