I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
