It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
