ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
