You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
