I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just want to make out with him forever
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
