Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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