I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
