I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
