Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
