i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
