ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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