fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
