god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
