He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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