what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
