it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
