And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
