we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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