I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
