I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
