But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
