dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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