i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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