dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
