He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
