You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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