Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
