that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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