Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
