just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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