hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
