oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
