my phone needs a breathalizer
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
