i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
