turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
