I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
