wakey wakey hands off snakey
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
