Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
