NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
