You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
