I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
